Jordan and Kristen Ministries
Join us for life-altering teachings along with prayer for you and your needs! As the Bible teaches us in Matthew 18:19-20: "If two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." So please feel free to submit your prayer requests (preferably through the Facebook page), and Jordan and Kristen will pray over them personally.
Jordan and Kristen Ministries
Healing After Infidelity: Rebuilding Trust and Finding Forgiveness in Marriage
If your heart has been shattered by the storm of adultery, you might wonder if the pieces can ever be put back together. We're here to walk with you through the valley of healing and share the hopeful possibility of a renewed marriage. In the sanctuary of our latest episode, we open up about the painstaking journey from betrayal to forgiveness, underpinned by both spiritual wisdom and practical guidance. We delve into the prerequisites for reconciliation—genuine repentance and a steadfast commitment to change. It's not just about weathering the storm; it's about learning to dance in the rain, discovering self-trust, and allowing God to be the cornerstone of a new beginning for your relationship.
Let's embark on a quest for solace and strength, exploring how to rebuild the fortress of trust that infidelity has breached. Real repentance isn't just about ceasing wrongful acts, but actively cultivating positive ones that foster healing and prevent future missteps. We also extend an olive branch to those yearning for spiritual renewal, guiding listeners through a heartfelt prayer of salvation. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of an affair or seeking to fortify your faith, this discussion is a beacon of hope, illuminating the path towards an enduring commitment, both to your partner and to the divine. Join us, and let the transformation begin.
Alright, good evening everybody. Welcome to another edition of the Jordan and Kristen Records show. Tonight's episode is how to Overcome Adultery and Marriage. Okay, so we're building off of last week. Last week's episode was Can Marriage Survive Adultery and Should it? This week's episode is Now how to Overcome Adultery and Marriage. But before we get to that, kristen, why don't you pray for everybody please?
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, lord, speaking of overcoming that, you have overcome, and we have overcome in you, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, god, all the obstacles, anything that anyone who's listening right now is facing. God, you have already overcome. I feel like that's a word for someone today. So, god, help us to be in that spirit of victory and to know that you will come through and that you already have in the spirit realm. In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, alright, guys. So if you didn't see last week's episode, I certainly commend it to you. I should tell you it's by far and away our most popular and most watched episode so far on YouTube, which I think really tells you something about the state of our culture.
Speaker 1:So again, last week we did this video on can marriage survive adultery? And the answer is it can and should it? And the answer is I think it should under the right circumstances. But one of the comments we got was okay, well, that's all well and good, but you didn't discuss how to actually overcome the adultery. And I said you know what. You're right, we're gonna discuss that this time. So let me just state at the outset that what we're about to tell you is not a guarantee that your marriage is going to overcome adultery. Okay, because honestly, I don't think there's a biblical mandate to maintain a marriage in the face of adultery. I think it's right. It is just like an atomic bomb going off in a marriage. So we certainly don't want anybody to remain in an abusive marriage or anything like that. What we're simply saying is it can happen under the right circumstances. And if it's going to happen, what we're about to tell you are the conditions precedent for it happening.
Speaker 2:That's a really good lawyer way to say it. You know, I just want to be real here which that's what we should always be and just say you know that old thing, life isn't fair. Sometimes it's not fair. You know, they say teenagers always say it's not fair. When I think of the person who is having to do the forgiving, I'm just gonna tell you right now it's like it's not fair, it's like it's like no, like. If you were to ask me why should the person forgive? I mean, this is not fair and there's a lot of things that are like that in life. So that is my initial gut reaction of no, I don't. I wouldn't feel like forgiving, I would want to run. But I do know a lot of people very closely who have actually had the opportunity to overcome it and been successful in forgiving, which is very admirable. And there's a lot of different reasons. Right, if there's kids involved, they're thinking of the future. But I'm just gonna tell you it's to me it's like one of those things I just want to say no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there are people who are gonna say, well, that's not very Christian of you. And it's usually the people who are guilty of something who are the ones who say, well, it's not very Christian of you. It's like, well, we can be real here too. So you brought up the topic of forgiveness. One of the conditions precedent, obviously, is going to be forgiveness, but one of the conditions is that the person who has committed the adultery also has to forgive himself, and that sounds like a very weird thing to say, and I want to be very careful with this. We talk about in in theology and I don't want to get theological here but there's a difference between condemnation and conviction that God will convict you if you've done something wrong, but he doesn't condemn you, and that's some. Sometimes it sounds like a distinction without difference. Let me just say this. I'll put in plain terms for you if you commit adultery and you feel really bad about it, okay, that is a good thing, up to the point that it brings you to bona fide, genuine repentance.
Speaker 2:After that, once you've arrived at the point of repentance and you really mean it, and when we say repentance me and you know repenting to God, to your spouse deciding to turn. Repent means to turn, not to continue in your sin.
Speaker 1:Right. So when you reach the point of genuine repentance, to hold on to that feeling of guilt beyond that is actually counterproductive, and I know that we kind of want to punish ourselves. We feel like what if we pun? The more we punish ourselves, the more we kind of not even at the school we clean. We have paid for our sins. That way right, self-flage nation does not work in this context. What it actually does Is it works to inhibit reconciliation, and that's true reconciliation with your spouse and reconciliation with God, to which is why the enemy loves to use guilt and that's a great thing that can be in any context that we do that to ourselves when we've done something wrong, not just adultery, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So that's such a great thing and for the person forgiving, I kind of had this, this thought, come to me. You know you got to, of course, know that God is the one you can trust.
Speaker 1:He's not a man that he should lie and you gotta not Over woman they should like, noticing as we're doing this, like I'm playing the role of the person who's committed adultery, you're playing the role of the person who has to do the forgiveness, and now you say well, god is not a man, I don't understand, but there's a.
Speaker 2:we understand that both sex is guilty of not you and I but the verses go the other way when they say things about women's, and it's your husband.
Speaker 2:You know you use gender neutral terms but you know, you gotta really know that you can trust God, that is for sure, and you can't bury it. You have to cry out to God and say what I was just saying like if I feel that way and it hasn't been done to me and I just that's my gut reaction, then you, if it has been done to you, really have to feel like it's more than okay to cry and to just have a lot and then also don't isolate yourself. How people you can trust, the right people not people are gonna suck you down into this whole of despair, but people who will lift you up and be those people in in healthy marriages are people who are gone a journey before you know. You know people who. That will be that for you. But one other thing I want to say is that the trusting part, when it comes kind of like what you said about the guilt, is counter productive. At a certain point it would make sense to never trust the person again, or or any person, even if, even down the road, let's say that marriage is not working out, it's someone else you have to trust.
Speaker 2:I think of it like this if you have just had a surgery in a hospital and I'm not in the medical profession, but, to the best of my knowledge, in most surgeries or some surgeries, you have the healing part where you're just laying there, right, and then a certain point they go okay, now get up and walk and or move around and you're like out, that's gonna hurt, that's not going to be comfortable, but they want you to get back and that becomes part of your healing process. I know it's a weird analogy, but I feel like it's the same thing with trust. You got to heal and put those safeguards up and all of those things. And I say this to be delicately. When I say then trust again, I don't mean just throw yourself into a relationship with somebody who's gonna be hurt you all over again, you know, be wise about it and God and be wise with your spouse and all that, but you got to get a point where you trust again, because I've seen so many people who just can never trust again maybe they can't.
Speaker 1:I mean you say they have to get this point, that I think if you want to save your marriage you have to try to get the point, but understanding that maybe you won't. And I'm just gonna be real about it. Yeah, you know, we you and I watch that that dreadfully dumb and half away movie the other day, the intern with Robert De Niro and and for those of you who haven't seen it, you're not missing anything. But part of the plot is that she's very successful and she's married to this sort of this beta male, unkempt type, who she's on her and when she finds out about it she's just really kind of bummed out like it's not like devastating to her.
Speaker 2:Well, he got a bad report card.
Speaker 1:But she kind of treats it like, well, he's just going through a phase like this is just a normal thing that men do as part of the marriage, and then when he finally, like, admits a quiz, he's been caught. He admits to it. The whole scene is like two and a half minutes long. He cries and she cries and that's it. It's like, guys, listen, that is not how this works. If you guys are gonna fix your marriage, this is going to take time. It's gonna take way more time.
Speaker 1:I would suggest Then even took you to get to that original point in your marriage that you lost. Okay, part of this, part of what this is gonna be. Christen, you talked about trust. The woman or the person who has been cheated on, has to learn not just to trust that person again, okay but also to trust herself again, to trust the judge, because what you see was when women in particular have been betrayed, I think their insecurities come out more than than with men, and you see so many women who blame themselves, whether they're victims of domestic violence or victims of adultery, which is a first cousin of that. You know, I told you about a rickelle welch who was cheated on by her husband, and here's someone who was considered to be one of the most beautiful women.
Speaker 1:Always there and she says I didn't understand why I was cheated on, because I was rickelle welch and I thought you understand. The issue wasn't that there is something wrong with you. When a man cheats on you, it's because there's something wrong with him, and so you have to get past this mental block that says what did I do wrong? And get back to Trusting yourself and loving yourself at a point where you feel very much on love but here's the thing, okay, so goes back to it, takes it takes to.
Speaker 2:You know both partners, the partner who? There's gotta be that equation. But God is the center, the court of three strands. He's the center if you guys are under his covering and looking to God and you both are looking to him, the person who needs to forgive and the person who needs the forgiveness. And you know you have to have the journey of, by yourself, getting along with God, both of you getting along with God, getting close with him and at the same time, being drawn together like that triangle.
Speaker 1:You know what you're saying. Something really important there what real repentance is? If it's gonna mean anything and if it's gonna build back trust. You have to demonstrate that you're now a different person and you do that by breaking old habits and beginning new ones. If look if you, if you are repenting of adultery but you're still looking at pornography, or you still have images on your phone and computer that you shouldn't have your watching movies, that you shouldn't we're hanging out with people you shouldn't be, you're staying out late at night when you shouldn't be doing that, or maybe you're just having, you know what you think are innocent conversations with members of the opposite sex, you know through text message or whatever, okay, and you're just leaving that door open for this to happen again, you have not really repented, okay, and you're not gonna fix that marriage. Even if you do, it's gonna fall right back apart. So real repentance is like Jesus said you know, a tree by the fruit of bears. Real repentance will demonstrate that you will see a change in the person because you will see.
Speaker 2:You'll see different behaviors and different habits you and you have to replace, like you said, different habits. You have to replace that look or whatever you were doing, it doesn't just go away by by itself. You have to not just say I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 1:You gotta replace and do something differently In that, in its place in space, and maybe, if you take drastic measures, if you, if you have a job where you, there's a woman there who's tempting you, whatever, maybe you gotta leave that job. And you got trust job, trust God to find you a new job. Okay, maybe you have a circle of friends that are that caused too much temptation. Maybe you gotta say I don't want anything to do with those friends anymore. Maybe you have to take drastic measures. But, like Jesus said, you know, it's better for you to pluck your eyes out and be blind and lose your vision than to lose your soul or, in this case, you lose your marriage and you know this is a deeper discussion.
Speaker 2:But you both, like I said before, have to be looking to God, because I know that there's probably gonna be a question like well, what about when the person does this and then they come back and do it again and say I've fallen and whatever, and that's a whole deeper discussion. But I want to give the call to salvation real quick. If you have never received Jesus or maybe spent a long time and you want to receive his, invite him into your heart. Just follow after me, dear Jesus. I ask you into my heart. I make you my Lord and savior. I ask you to forgive me of my sins and I will follow you all the days of my life. If you pray that prayer, let us know. We want to know and be encouraged right.
Speaker 1:salvation can happen like that, unlike preparing a marriage which is gonna take time that's good, yes alright, guys, thanks for joining us. Will see you again next week, as always. In the meantime, be blessed and be a blessing.