Jordan and Kristen Ministries
Join us for life-altering teachings along with prayer for you and your needs! As the Bible teaches us in Matthew 18:19-20: "If two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." So please feel free to submit your prayer requests (preferably through the Facebook page), and Jordan and Kristen will pray over them personally.
Jordan and Kristen Ministries
Money and Marriage: How Should Christian Couples Navigate Financial Issues
Should married couples keep separate bank accounts? Should they talk about money? Should they make financial decisions together? Join us on the Jordan and Kristen Rickards Show as we tackle the controversial question: should Christian couples keep their finances separate? With personal anecdotes and biblical insights, we explore the vital role of openness and unity in financial matters. Learn how the concept of a husband as a provider extends beyond dollars and cents, offering a sense of security that fuels marital success. This episode promises a thought-provoking discussion on how financial secrecy might hint at deeper issues, and why togetherness is key.
From navigating significant purchases to merging financial habits, we share strategies for effective money management in marriage. We also dive into the societal pressures of gender roles and how they affect financial responsibilities within a relationship. Communication and collaboration emerge as essential tools in ensuring harmony and minimizing financial stress.
Facing financial challenges can test even the strongest marriages, but they can also be a time for growth and unity. Jordan and Kristen recount our own experiences with financial hardships, from sleepless nights worrying about payroll to the pressures of job loss, emphasizing the importance of saving and financial discipline. This episode also includes a heartfelt prayer for financial blessings, urging listeners to embrace a spirit of generosity, and concludes with a moving reflection on the biblical story of the widow’s offering, reminding us that the heart behind a gift is what truly counts. Tune in for practical advice and spiritual encouragement to strengthen your marriage through financial unity.
Hi everybody, and welcome to another edition of the Jordan and Kristen Rickards Show. Today's topic is money and marriage. Should Christian couples separate their finances? I didn't really think this was going to be a very controversial topic, and then we went to that one like Bible study and people started talking about it and having very strong opinions. So I figured we'd talk about it too. But before we do that, Kristen, why don't you pray for everybody? All right, All right.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, Jesus. Thank you for your grace that is sufficient and your power that works best in our weakness. Lord, Thank you that you overshadow us and take away all the overwhelming trials of this world with one touch of your love, that you rejoice over us with singing Lord, we thank you for your character that never changes and that you sustain us and you have everything we need. In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, All right. So, as I mentioned, Kristen, you and I went to some Bible study thing a few months ago and somebody brought up the topic and you can tell it was like a really sore spot with this person. Like you know, should my husband and I have separate bank accounts and I think I kind of felt like some of the men were like oh yeah, definitely, and some of the women were like absolutely not. So I think I know where you fall on this, but why don't you tell everyone what you think about that?
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny because there's certain topics like this where it's this is one of those examples where it's not in the Bible, where there's not a passage that said says explicitly you shouldn't not commingle your finances or you should, right. But there's principles behind it and I think it's. There are exceptions to that. If you're not willing to share your finances, then you know everything else. In marriage you're sharing everything else with someone. You should be sharing your finances and I know there might be reasons organizational reasons why they might be separate. But I tell you what I have a real problem with people who hide their finances from each other. That's a real problem.
Speaker 1:That's actually kind of where I was going to go with this. It's not that different if you have, for example, separate bank accounts, ok, and you don't know roughly how much the other person has. I mean not that we keep like a current tab on this, but if the purpose is, I have my bank account and it's none of your business you have your bank account, it's none of mine Well, first of all, that's secretive. You're hiding something from the other person, even if they know it exists. It's like well, this is mine over here and don't worry about it, I won't worry about yours.
Speaker 1:So, number one, I don't think marriage successful marriages in general are built around secrets. Number two, they are certainly not built around separations, right, the entire idea of marriage is two people becoming one person, right, the Bible talks about two becoming one flesh, and I think I mentioned before the quote from Aristotle, which I'm especially fond of, which is something the effect that love is one soul inhabiting two bodies, right, well, if you've got your finances separated now, you've created a separation between you guys, right, and finances are actually the sort of thing that you know. Not that it should bring you together in terms of like you should marry somebody because of that, but this is it's. It's an element of your marital relationship that you guys need to work with and work through and work together, work together on it. And this brings me to my third point, which is as a man, as a husband, I consider it my role to be the provider, and not just to be a provider in the sense that I'm the one bringing in the money, but I'm also providing you a sense of security, and so I want you to see this is our bank account and things are going well. We're not going to have problems paying the mortgage and we're not going to have problems paying the mortgage OK, and we're not going to have problems retiring.
Speaker 1:And if, god forbid, something happened to Jordan, I wouldn't be in trouble. This is all part of my responsibility as a husband. Ok, to to bring you into my world, just like you bring me into yours, and to incorporate you into it fully, incorporate you into it fully. And if you're not, if you're hiding, if you're keeping the money separate, I think it's emblematic, kristen, of a deeper problem, like it's not just something that happens, there's a reason for it, like I don't trust you. Okay, therefore, you know or I'm not convinced that you know this is going to work out. Therefore, I want you to have your life and your finances situated, and I'll have mine. Even if you're not actively thinking about divorce, I still think there's something underlying the reason that people want to have separate accounts like that which says I am not entirely all in.
Speaker 2:I was going to say, yeah, it's definitely. It's a step in that direction, at least where the separation. I know that sounds extreme, but marriage is all about togetherness and that separation. Now there are reasons. That's why I said there's exceptions. It's not really so much to me about having separate as it is about hiding information, because I can't really think of an example off the top of my head. But I know there are examples with different businesses that couples have that just for organizational purposes alone, they have it in separate places. So I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 1:Even with that, though, kristen, even with that, like I have my own business and I show you, I say, look what we did this month.
Speaker 2:Here's my profit and loss statement.
Speaker 1:You know, I show you what our income taxes are. I show you, you know. I mean not that I expect you to memorize all these things, but I don't even hide that from you, right? And I think we are speaking about people who do have separate bank accounts because, you know, wife makes her money and it goes in there, and husband makes his and it goes in there, and maybe they pool for some reason, but all in all they want to keep that separate for whatever reasons, and I don't think that's healthy on any level.
Speaker 2:And even from you, can tell me if this is correct. You're an attorney and you see a lot of divorces. You know finance is sometimes a real factor in those divorces, a bone of contention, those divorces a bone of contention, and I think the whole separation, a lot of abuse that you find has to do with something with the economic, monetary part. So women or men I'm not going to be sexist about this issue obviously have to hide the money for that reason. So there's there's again, even from a secular point of view, there's reasons why people have to do that. But that's more of a survival exit strategy. We're talking about marriage and marriage should be togetherness. So it's not like it's a sin to keep your money separate, but it certainly is an indication. I think it's an indication of what's going on in the marriage. If you are hiding things and you shouldn't be hiding things anyway, but in keeping things separate, I think that's an indication of other factors and what's going on in the marriage.
Speaker 1:So I think what we're saying is people should follow our paradigm, which is to say that all the money I bring in is our money, and then you have your own separate bank account which has your money in it, and I don't know anything about it or what's going on. Is that about right?
Speaker 2:Don't worry, there's not much in there.
Speaker 1:You remember the time when we first got married? We first got married, I wanted to make sure you had like cash on you, and so whenever I'd go to the ATM I'd be like Kristen, do you need any cash? And you were like yeah sure. And I guess you weren't spending any of it. You're putting all the credit card. So one day I need like change for a 50 or something and I went in your wallet and you had like $580 in there, all in like 20s and 50s and stuff.
Speaker 2:I just want to say how fiscally I was responsible, I wasn't just going in.
Speaker 1:I like that. You and you had it all in different parts of your wall. It was like folded up into little squares here. It's just like no rhyme or reason to it.
Speaker 2:Hey, I have a question along with that. So what do you think about? There are a lot of couples that say, before they make a purchase, I have to check with my husband, or I have a check with my wife. Do you think, like for a big purchase, that that like what constitutes? Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1:That was actually an adjustment I had to make when we got married, because before we got married, I used to be of the mindset that if I wanted something I would just get it. I didn't have to check with somebody else. Okay, and, in all candor, okay, sometimes I buy kind of frivolous things I don't need. I don't need, for example, another let's just say high-end watch or anything like that. And when we got married, all of a sudden I had to think of that like, well, wait a minute, every dollar I spend on this for myself is a dollar less than I'm committing to the marital enterprise. And, by the way, we want to have children someday.
Speaker 1:Am I going to tell my kids like, I'm sorry, you got to take out more student loan than you need to because you know daddy didn't have enough watches or something silly like that, or daddy's car wasn't expensive enough or something like that. Enough, or something like that. So you know, I do come to you with it. Your attitude is usually you work hard, get whatever you want, which is very nice of you, but I think, if it when it comes to significant purchases and that's different for everybody but when it comes to significant purchases it's something that you definitely have to discuss together.
Speaker 2:I agree because, again, it's that team mindset and you know we do enjoy things, but I do want to make it apparent that we are very generous in our giving with missionaries and organizations, and I'm not saying that to brag or anything like that. I'm just saying that we have that mindset of generosity because God blesses that. So it's great to be a team in where you're going to give your money and know what's happening there. But also the frivolous things, I don't know. I guess it's different for each person in their budget.
Speaker 2:I don't really, when I buy a dress or something, I don't say, jordan, can I have this dress? I just do it. Maybe I should, but I don't. I'm not buying like in. You just do it, maybe I should, but I don't. I'm not buying like in. Uh, you know everybody's idea of what's expensive is is different, but I'm not buying a big purchase. I'm a real good bargain shopper. So I don't really ask you, hey, can I have this or do that? Um, but certainly if I were just to go out and I wouldn't really do that go out and buy something really expensive, uh, but we do all those things together. I think that's really important.
Speaker 1:We do what things? I don't go dress shopping. What are you talking?
Speaker 2:about. We do that together.
Speaker 1:The important purchases. The dress shopping that we do together is you buy dresses on our credit card and then I pay for it.
Speaker 2:That's the togetherness. As far as the dresses, well, but I'm a good bargain shopper, so you don't have to worry about that. I save you money, yeah by buying dresses.
Speaker 1:Thank, you.
Speaker 2:Why do you think it is that money becomes such a contention with couples Like why is that such a problem?
Speaker 1:There are a lot of things at stake. First of all, there's a pride element to it. Okay, where, I think, husbands they are conditioned to have to provide, but then if they can't, it like attacks their manliness. It's especially problematic, believe it or not, in marriages. If the wife makes more money, that is a high indicator, unfortunately, of divorces for the same reason. Right, the man doesn't feel like as much of a man. I think a lot of times a woman doesn't respect the husband.
Speaker 1:But look more fundamentally, it's just a stressor. You know, you and I are lucky we don't have to worry about if the mortgage is going to be paid this month or how we're going to feed ourselves. But I mean, listen, before you knew me, I had many, many nights, you know, 10 years before I met you, where I had started my business and I had more expenses at the end of the month than I had money in the bank. And I remember many nights not being able to sleep and just staring at the ceiling wondering how do I make payroll this month? And that is a significant stressor. And when I finally broke the gravity of that, I remember thinking I am never going back to that in my life.
Speaker 1:Now imagine and that's just some business If that had failed I could have gotten a job elsewhere. But imagine now you're a husband and wife and you got a couple of kids and dad loses his job and now you can't pay the mortgage and you can't. You're going to have difficulty putting food on the table. Maybe you have to go on government assistance. I mean, those are real stressors and a marriage has to be strong in order to survive that and that's. But it's also, by the way, why you know you should be saving 20% of your money, which is a hard pill for people to swallow, but it's true, because you don't ever want to put yourself in that position if you can avoid it.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing Money is a tool. It's not. You know the spirit of mammon is is the thing. It's not. You know, the spirit of mammon is the thing. It's not worshiping money, but we also. Money gives choices and opportunities, even to bless other people, and we need it in this economy to survive.
Speaker 2:Obviously, and like you said about becoming a major stress, I would say usually it's a reflection. Not all the time. There are certainly things that happen to people and finances and that they can't control, but sometimes it's an indication of other things going on in the marriage. And you know, and I definitely believe that even if you're not in a season where God is testing you financially, there's other things that are going to be stressors, because you know, whether it's your health or something else, because that's an opportunity to get closer to the Lord. But no matter what it is, whether it's finances or something else, it's that opportunity for togetherness.
Speaker 2:And I've seen time and time again where money, the money issue, can either become an opportunity for couples to grow and God together, or brings out the true colors of everything. And I'm not saying you won't have your moments, I'm not criticizing people who have that stress and have a moment of you know, because it is a real stressor. I'm just saying that I've seen plenty of people who have issues in their finances and they are happy in their marriage and they're like we'll get through this. And then I've seen plenty of people who really don't have that big of a financial struggle but they make it a struggle or they blow the money or on something they shouldn't or whatever, and it becomes a struggle because the underlying, it's masking the underlying problem.
Speaker 1:I'll give you one other.
Speaker 1:I know we're running a little long, but I remember when I was in college, because you mentioned how money provides freedom, and that's true, it doesn't provide happiness but it does provide a lot of freedom. And I had a college professor who in his earlier life had been a truck driver and one day his company told him he had to drive a large shipment of alcohol from point A to point B and he didn't want to do it because he felt very strongly about drinking and alcohol just like we did that last episode right. And he's saying to himself look, I'm bringing this alcohol and people are going to drink this stuff and beat their wives, are going to drink this stuff and get into car accidents and kill people, going to kill themselves with it. I mean he felt very strongly about it but because he needed the money, he said he had to make that shipment and he said he was never going to put himself in that kind of position again. It's just another consideration. I know that we are very much beyond the topic that we started with, but seriously.
Speaker 1:I mean and I believe that God will provide, but I also believe that we have a responsibility to be good stewards of money, that we have a responsibility to save responsibly, and and and that when you do, I mean cause, bad things are going to happen anyway, but at least you are mitigating the damage and you're reducing the amount of stress you're going to put on yourself and on your marriage and you're reducing, I think, the enemy's ability to find a separation between the two of you. Ok, and really do some damage.
Speaker 2:I would just want to say one last thing on this topic, maybe, because I just I just think from the other side of things. I don't know if there's a person out there thinking, well, yeah, you two have no idea, and there are a lot of things we don't know. I'm not saying we know everything. You have no idea, you have it easy. You're not in my position. I do want to say I know for you you explaining about the business, but I, just, being totally vulnerable here, I did before I met you. I have experienced some financial hardship in life, so I know what that's like. I know what that feeling's like, but it was like an amazing time to sound really weird, to get close to the Lord and all of that. So I do want to say I do understand and I get all the other stuff that comes with it. But I guess what we're saying is you got to be one team in marriage.
Speaker 1:One team in marriage, in money and in marriage as well. Yes, All right, baby, that was a good job. I thought we did a good show there. Why don't you pray us out? I hope we did.
Speaker 2:Well, lord, thank you for this day. Thank you that you are the head of everything. I do pray for anybody right now who because this is our topic today about finances if they're just like, I don't know how I'm going to do it this month, I don't know how I'm going to make it meet ends meet. Lord, I just pray that you would provide, as you always do, and I do pray for people who, that you would put on more people's heart to give in any way we can, lord. It doesn't matter. It's not about the size of the gift, lord, it is our heart of giving, just like that story in the Bible about the widow who gave all she had, lord. So help us to be givers and help us also, lord, to realize that you provide in all things and in our marriages, help us to get closer to you and, of course, each other. In Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, all right guys. Well, listen, for those of you who stuck around for all 17 minutes here, thanks for joining us. We hope you got something out of it. If you did, do me a favor, like and share. I don't ask this enough, but please follow us on YouTube or on iTunes or wherever. Please share it. And thanks again, and until next time, as always, be blessed and be a blessing. Bye.